I am a planner and it’s low-key ruining my life.
Okay, maybe I’m being a little dramatic. But still! It’s making things a lot more difficult than they need to be. Allow me to elaborate;
I love planning. I love making appointments and bookings weeks in advance, seeing how my day or week will look ahead of time. Allocating plenty of time to get me from point A to B with no stress and being 10 minutes early (at a minimum). Writing packing lists or to do lists a week ahead so I know I can get everything done. To me, there’s nothing more satisfying than having a well structured day or week plan.
Now, here’s where it gets tricky.
To start with, I’m pregnant (again – eternally pregnant at this stage) and pregnancy runs on its own schedule to a degree. I can book my appointments with my GP, midwives, and local radiology, but apart from that, this baby and my body is doing its own thing with little regard to my wishes.
For example, in a month I am to drive to the states capital city 800km away. That’s okay. Completely doable. Then I am to attend an appointment 2 days after I arrive. Again, completely okay and doable. However after that, no one knows how long I am to stay in the city for. Problematic, as I have to pack up myself, my existing child, and potentially the arrival of another for an undetermined amount of time. Let’s just say my packing list is a giant mess. Luckily I’ve got accomodation for a week, but after that I could be bouncing around a bit and that’s less desirable – particularly as it’s coming up to and potentially over Easter holiday periods. Along with keeping that in mind to potentially organise last minute, I also need to organise getting my partner up if necessary and leaving my dog with someone for again, an undetermined amount of time.
Also we’ve just finished off a summer semester with university and waiting for those results has been an absolute nightmare. Yes, they were scheduled to be released on a certain day at a certain time. However, they were released a week into semester one which meant – depending on my results – I couldn’t properly plan out my semesters assignments and modules as I wasn’t sure if I would qualify for the classes. This gave me serious anxiety. And I felt a little bit lost. Directionless. Things felt chaotic (and they still kind of do as I haven’t felt settled into the semester yet with this lack of planning ahead).
Essentially – not being able to control certain deadlines and dates, certain aspects of my life is making me more stressed out than I need to be.
I’ve tried to take the approach of “chill out and things will happen when they happen”, but if I’m being honest, that approach only makes me sit quietly and stew on the inside and I’m unable to enjoy being present.
(Which is another thing about being a planner – I’m unable to feel relaxed or at ease with making spontaneous plans. Seriously – there are so many things to think about when making plans!).
For the moment, I’m refocussing on planning out my semester now that results are released and I can go ahead with my classes. And making sure that travel list I’m writing has everything I could need on it.
– Caitlin –