I’ve always been someone who get’s really depressed when I stop moving forward in life – whether its learning something, getting further ahead at work, or mastering a new hobby. For the past month or two I’ve found myself getting sad about where I am in life and where I want to go – simply because I don’t know where I want to go.
It’s terrifying not having a plan. Knowing that I want to study a whole bunch of different topics, I want to learn a lot about everything. I want to have a good job but also have plenty of time outside of work to do the things I want to do. And above all else, I want to be able to do these things, and be happy with my decisions and myself.
I sat down one evening and did some research about all the things I want to do and the realistic time frame in order to achieve them. Yes, it’ll take a few years (I really gotta learn patience) but it’ll make me happy. And if by the end I’m not happy with it, then at least I’ve learnt something and I can move forward into the next thing and be more sure than I was before.
Which brings me to my current situation. Happiness.
Sometimes, I love my job. We’d all be lying if we said we loved it 100% of the time. There are times, or days, when everything just sucks. Nothing goes the right way and people can be inconsiderate and cruel. With myself in particular, I’ve found myself being given more work than I’m supposed to do, with little to no credit or appreciation for my extra efforts.
So I’m changing that. I’m changing to a role that will have me doing less things, with less growth, but for the same rate and peace of mind. And I am okay with that.
I will admit, at the beginning of the process I was paranoid I was making the wrong decision. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I was doing now and how difficult it will be to build back to where I am. I’m essentially throwing away 18 months of building up my work relationships with my managers. But on the other hand, I’m still utilizing all the information I know. I’m not throwing it away, I’m simply branching out to meet new people and make new working relationships. And this way, I will have more time and less stress.
I’m terrified, but extremely excited. Change is hard. I’ve sat stagnant for a few months now I’ve forgotten how exhilarating it is to actively do something to progress yourself.
Change is good. I’m ready for growth.
– Caitlin –
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